A stick that breaks up shit.. not a plunger.

This, is a Scottish toilet.

It is the retarded cousin of toilets from around the world. The one who lives in a trailer on the edge of Tornado Valley.

Before I begin I must tell you that the toilet itself is so far off the cuff, that it has been designated a completely separate room from the rest of a conventional washroom. The bathtub, shower and sink, are in another room entirely.

Why you may ask?

I haven't a fucking clue... to make you talk. But it sure does add to the allure and romance when drunk and stumbling through the dark corridors of your apartment.

Now that we have a broader picture as to the dysfunction within our toilets family, let us delve into the psychosis of the toilet itself.

The toilet has a wide mouth, with which one would think can contain and swallow even the fiercest of shits.. Haggis shits.

It does no such thing.

It's just for looks and what's bloody amazing is that the plungers available, those that I have seen, have a smaller circumference than the mouth of the toilets itself, proving that you can't fuck with geometry. It is not a plunger but a stick that breaks up your shit.

 Now for the handle on a Scottish toilet.

Now if this were not enough, we also have what at first seems to be an attempt at water conservation.

That the toilet cannot be flushed twice within 4 minutes is a Scottish riddle. That is correct, flush once... wait. Just had a big shit, need to flush twice.. sorry, you have to wait.
Like that cocksucker bouncer at the bar, this toilet makes you wait, but even better, it makes you look at your shit while it insults you.

Now that we've established the inferiority of Scottish toilets to that of even Southern India shit pits, I wish to show you the sink your grandparents used as children.

This sink provides you with all the commodities of a modern sink except simultaneous use. To the left is scalding hot water, to the right numbing cold. The two in conjunction provides an interesting juggling act that ends with cursing and starts the morning with burn rashes.

Not only is the sink an antiquated albatross but the shower, a failed attempt at 21st century technology.

Water pressure? What water pressure?

You may notice 4 settings on the left, they are meant to provide you with the false hope of pressure settings. To the far right are the temperature settings which, if set to maximum create a unique hybrid of hot and cold in turn. It's much like an epic battle between good and evil where your shriveling nuts are the prize to be won.

That is all.